In some cases, depending on how much alcohol is involved, you might even get smacked in the mouth.
Here’s what all the touchy-feely folks out there don’t get about constructive criticism: It’s invaluable. The important thing is how you deliver it.
Every referee makes honest mistakes. What most of us (referees) don’t realize is that embedded in criticism–constructively conveyed–is the wish to help us get better.
Any fool can deliver a meaningless “good job.” Being a constructive critic takes thought, effort and compassion. Here are eight tips for getting your good intentions across:
Pick Your Spots. Before you tell a referee you’re wrong, recite–three times–Jack Nicholson’s tirade from A Few Good Men: “You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth!” Then answer the question: “Can he or she handle the truth?” If the answer is an unqualified ‘Yes,’ let them know they’re wrong, right then and there.
If “No,” then keep reading.
Never Qualify. Trying to soften criticism with qualifications like “With all due respect,” “No offense,” or “Don’t take this the wrong way” is slathering poison on an open wound. Avoid this infuriating strategy. The same goes with showering praise early on, only to switch gears and unload with the bad news. At best you’ll come off as disingenuous; at worst, a jerk.
Sugarcoat Donuts. Never try to simultaneously be a good cop and a bad cop. You need to deliver your view without beating around the bush. Say what the problem is, and if you must amplify your message, say where in the Laws of the Game your data came from. But make it clear that your goal is ‘movement toward constructive game change,’ and nothing else.
Paint A Picture. Ambiguity is your enemy when telling someone they’re wrong. Be concrete and don’t sermonize.
Deal In Facts. Objectivity is crucial to constructive criticism. Remember that the goal is to communicate that the USSF performance standard has not been met. Your sentiments (and certainly your judgments) are irrelevant. Never, ever talk down.
Focus On Behavior, Not Character. It’s easy to lapse into character assassination without knowing it. For example, in saying “You were lazy getting back to position” you may think you are helping the referee to focus on improving his positioning; instead, it addresses your assumption about the referee’s attitude toward their work.
Show Them The Way. Criticism without an action plan is worthless. Give them direction or keep your mouth shut.
Let The Fixes Feel Like Their Own. “You’re wrong” in a constructive manner. After giving your opinion regarding the situation in question you must solicit feedback to ensure an open channel of communication. When you have a clear channel of communication open let the referee feel you support their fundamental views and value them, achieving “buy-in” is easy and natural.”
Published by Richard Rodriguez 6/10
Republished by Richard Rodriguez 9/14
