Game Management: Verbal De-escalation Techniques.

CAUTION: The guidelines presented below are intended for use with a player or team official whose agitated behavior is largely verbal, shows no signs of escalating beyond that point, and does not present as potentially physically aggressive or violent. Referees who suspect that a player or team official may present a safety risk to self or others should immediately seek additional assistance (Assistant referee/s, player/s, team official/s, etc.).

There are two important concepts to keep in mind:

1) Reasoning with an enraged player or team official is not possible. The first and only objective in de-escalation is to reduce the level of arousal so that discussion becomes possible.
2) De-escalation techniques are abnormal. We are driven to fight, flight or freeze when scared. However, in de-escalation, we can do none of these. We must appear centered and calm even when we are frightened.

Therefore these techniques must be practiced before they are needed so that they can become "second nature.”

THERE ARE 3 PARTS TO BE MASTERED IN VERBAL DE-ESCALATION

A. THE REFEREE IN CONTROL OF HIM/HER SELF

1) Appear calm, centered and self-assured even though you don’t feel it. Relax facial muscles and look confident. Your anxiety can make the client feel anxious and unsafe and that can escalate aggression.
2) Use a modulated, low monotonous tone of voice (our normal tendency is to have a high pitched, tight voice when scared).
3) If cards were shown and if you have time, put them away.
4) Do not be defensive-even if the comments or insults are directed at you, they are not about you. Do not defend yourself or anyone else from insults, curses or misconceptions about the game and misinterpretations of the laws of the game.
5) Be aware of any resources available for back up. Know that you have the choice to terminate the game, tell the player/team official to leave should de-escalation not be effective
6) Be very respectful even when firmly setting limits or when showing a caution, sending off a player or dismissing a team official for irresponsible behavior. The agitated individual is very sensitive to feeling shamed and disrespected. We want him/her to know that it is not necessary to show us that they must be respected. We automatically treat them with dignity and respect.

B: THE PHYSICAL STANCE

1) Never turn your back for any reason
2) Always be at the same eye level. Encourage the player or team official to maintain distance.
3) Allow extra physical space between you – about four times your usual distance. Anger and agitation fill the extra space between you and the payer of team official.
4) Do not stand full front to player/team official. Stand at an angle so you can sidestep away if needed.
5) Do not maintain constant eye contact. Allow the player/team official to break his/her gaze and look away.
6) Do not point or shake your finger.
7) DO NOT smile. This could look like mockery or anxiety
8) Do not touch – even if some touching is generally culturally appropriate and usual in your setting. Cognitive dysfunction in agitated people allow for easy misinterpretation of physical contact as hostile or threatening.
9) Keep hands out of your pockets, up and available to protect yourself.
10) Do not argue or try to convince, give choices i.e. empower.
11) Don’t be defensive or judgmental.
12) LISTEN in a way they want to TALK to you.
13) TALK in a way they want to LISTEN to you.


C: THE DE-ESCALATION DISCUSSION

1) Remember that there is no content except trying to calmly bring the level of arousal down to baseline.
2) Do not get loud or try to yell over a screaming player/team personal. Wait until he/she takes a breath; then talk. Speak calmly at an average volume.
3) Respond selectively; answer all informational questions no matter how rudely asked, (e.g. "Why do I have to leave the F.....ing field when I was the one being hurt?” This is a real information-seeking question). DO NOT answer abusive questions (e.g. "Why are we paying you when you're not doing your job?) This question should get no response what so ever.
3) Explain limits and rules in an authoritative, firm, but always respectful tone. Give choices where possible in which both alternatives are safe ones (e.g. you’re telling me my ARs and I missed a elbow to the back, I promise you we’ll keep an eye on him for the remainder of the match, but don’t do anything stupid, let us handle it, let him be the one getting a red card not you.)
4) Empathize with feelings but not with the behavior (e.g. "I understand that you feel angry, but it is not okay for you to threaten me or my crew.")
5) Do not solicit how a person is feeling or interpret feelings in an analytic way.
6) Do not argue or try to convince.
7) Wherever possible, tap into the player's or team official’s cognitive mode:
DO NOT ask: "Tell me how you feel."
Ask: "Help me to understand what you are saying to me”
People are not attacking you while they are teaching you what they want you to know.
8) Suggest alternative behaviors where appropriate e.g. "Would you like to take a break or have some water?
9) Give the consequences of inappropriate behavior without threats or anger.
10) Trust your instincts. If you assess or feel that de-escalation is not working, STOP! You will know within 30 seconds to 1 minute if it’s beginning to work. Tell the player or team official to leave and get the captain and other players involve.


There is nothing magical about talking someone down. You are transferring your sense of calms and genuine interest in what the player or team official wants to tell you, and respectful, clear limit setting in the hope that the player or team official actually wishes to respond positively to your respectful attention.

Do not be a hero and do not try de-escalation when a person shows any behavior that signifies hostility or intent to attack.